Pat Robertson Is Dead, And The Only Thing I Got Is A Country Teetering On Becoming A Theocracy

In a moment that could only be described as "Wow, he was still alive?", Pat Robertson, the legendary televangelist and self-proclaimed spiritual guide, has departed from this mortal coil. As his followers mourn the loss of their revered leader, the rest of us are left with a peculiar aftermath: a country teetering on the precipice of transforming into a full-fledged theocracy. 

Thanks, Pat.

Robertson helped to usher in an era where political and religious spheres intertwine so tightly that it's nearly impossible to distinguish one from the other. Gone are the days of separation between church and state; we're now living in a world where faith-based fanaticism has become the lifeblood of one of the two major political parties.

Check it out!

Thanks to Robertson's influence, Republican politicians are seizing the opportunity to curry favor with religious zealots. It's like a twisted version of "American Idol," where the candidates compete to prove who can embrace the most extreme religious beliefs. Forget about qualifications or political experience; the new currency of politics is piety.

As we navigate this bizarre landscape, legislation based on religious dogma floods the halls of many statehouses. The Ten Commandments are no longer mere moral guidelines; they've been adopted as the law of the land. Forget about freedom of choice; we're now mandated to adhere to religious doctrines that restrict personal liberties, from reproductive rights to marriage equality. Who needs individual autonomy when we can have a theocracy, right?

Learn more!

The media landscape has transformed into an all-out revival extravaganza. FOX News programs are religious sermons, with hosts substituting fact-checking for fervent faith. The ratings have skyrocketed as viewers tune in to witness the holy histrionics of political pundits turned wannabe preachers, interpreting the news through the lens of divine inspiration.

Meanwhile, average citizens are left bewildered, unsure whether to laugh or cry at the absurdity unfolding before their eyes. The separation of church and state has become a distant memory as politicians invoke divine intervention at every turn. Public schools are sliding toward offering mandatory Bible study, and scientific inquiry is shunned in favor of biblical literalism. Who needs pesky evidence and critical thinking when you have blind faith?

Oh, Pat Robertson, your departure has left us with quite the inheritance. A country once built on principles of democracy and individual freedom now staggers toward the precipice of a full-blown theocracy. But fear not, for even in the darkest moments, hope survives. Perhaps reason and rationality will once again prevail.

In related news, Pope Francis "dabbles" with atheism.